The Final New York Years Playlist

So, once again, we are approaching the blue day that March 30th is for those of us who love Bobby.  I have something to share as a tribute to him, but as usual, I want to talk a bit first.

I was actually speaking to someone with alot of knowledge about some things a couple of weeks ago, and as much as I have argued for Bobby having likely been found very soon after his death on that cot in NYC, this person presented a good case for it to have perhaps been longer.  It was cold in New York in March of 1968.  Might he have lain for days?  Weeks?  And actually, despite the fact that I wanted to debunk everything he said, I realized...

... I can't.  I have no hard evidence for him having been found quickly.  Nobody really knows.

At least, not yet.  It could be possible that the documentary might reveal more, if Jordan Allender happened to gain access to the actual autopsy report and TOD was approximated.  But unless that happens, Bobby's thirty-first March will remain a mystery.

By the way, am I the only person who wonders whatever happened to those kids who found him?  Did they sustain any trauma from having come across a dead body as children?  Did they block it from their memories?  Better yet, did they ever, as adults, wander around online and come to learn who they'd actually discovered?  If so, what was that like?

Andy Warhol and his entourage left for New Tucson to go make another of his movies in January of 1968, leaving Bobby behind.  Not that Bobby was ever entirely "in" with Warhol in the way alot of others were.  But also, if his health was suffering, that may have been even more of a reason for him to stay behind.  It breaks my heart, though, to realize that the people he may have been "closest" to then were out of town when he most needed them.  It's also been said by an unnamed source who did some research on Bobby at one point that he'd helped an older lady in the neighborhood by carrying her groceries that winter, and the last time she saw him was in mid- to late-March.  Was it pride that kept him from telling her he was sick and might be in trouble?  Did he really even know for sure that he was, though?

I think I go through this thing every year of asking the same questions, throwing them around and around my head.  I never really get anywhere, and I guess none of the answers would even matter.  The fact is, Bobby was definitely gone by March 30 -- a young man zapped of his strength.  As I reached my mid-30's, I came to realize just how young thirty-one is.

Anyway, now that I've done my somber musing about this day, I want to share what I have comprised, and hopefully at least one other person will enjoy it!  I made a playlist especially for Bobby's final years -- calling it "The Final New York Years" to soften the morbid tone -- pulling out songs primarily from 1967 and up until March of 1968... plus a couple from 1966.  I have no idea what Bobby's favorite 60's songs or bands were.  I only know he loved the Platters in the 50's, and their style was romantic, light, and upbeat.  I'm not sure if that same sound appealed to Bob in his later life, so what I did was just pick some songs that were popular during that couple years with lyrics and melodies that are thoughtful and might have served as songs Bobby could relate to in some way.  I can't say I wasn't trying for a certain ambiance, though I honestly don't know what I would call it.  Reflective?  But with enough fun thrown in that it should definitely not be somber.

I pretty much went in order chronologically, because I couldn't seem to satisfy myself with any other order.  "Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay" was the chart-topper the week Bobby was found, and the lyrics really fit the tone of what might have been going on in his life and mind during that final stretch.  But "Beautiful Morning" was a hit around that same time, and I thought it good to end things on a happy note.  There's nothing happy about Bobby's demise, of course, but those of us who are spiritual see a silver lining.  I hear this and think of the Place he woke up in after closing his eyes on this side of eternity. 

You kids who have never listened to 60's music other than the Beatles, well... get ready.  Your entire world is about to be blown up by this awesome ear candy.  You can thank me later for introducing you to a little culture.  ;)

Feel free to comment and tell us any songs you think should have been included.  I used YouTube because it would be free for everyone to access.  I thought about Spotify, but it shuffles your songs unless you're a paid user.

Nightmare Life of an Ex-Child Star Photoshoot

So... here's the hard thing about being a poor girl from a backwater with no actual connections.

Things exist that you never see.  Then, there are things that have existed for awhile that you could have seen, but for some reason, you didn't.  It is exactly this kind of thing that happened to me yesterday.

I have deleted my former post about the "new" photo I found of Bobby on Facebook, because I'm going to repost it here, but having found said photo... I started wondering, "What other pictures have I not seen?"  I try to semi-regularly do an image sweep for Bobby pictures, knowing that every so often, one or two pops up that I haven't seen before.

WELL.  This time, boy did it ever.  I went into Google, typed his name, and ran across not one... not two...  but FIVE PHOTOS I had never seen before from that gorgeous photoshoot I mentioned in the subject line. 

And of all places, they were on iMDB.  I mean, really?  Someplace easily accessible to the pubic, on the most basic of Hollywood information sites.  How long had they been there?  I honestly have no idea.  They were credited back to Photo12, which is basically partners with the Alamy photo site, but I combed Alamy for new Bobby pictures not so long ago and did not find these.

So... I don't know who put them up, how long they've been there, or where they came from, but I bring them to you now.  Even though some of you may have actually seen them before me, pretend you haven't and humor me here.

Oh my gosh, this one's my fave.  Bobby looks both serious here, yet pleasant.  The first things that caught me about each of these, by the way, are the expressions in his eyes.  I know I've said something like this before, but this photoshoot speaks to me so much because it's as though Bobby is, with those eyes, trying to reach beyond the camera and ask to be truly seen -- as an adult, a professional, a good guy.  Not the troubled "junkie" he had become known as.  What crunches my heart most of all, though, is the realization that he was actually a hot mess the entire time.

In the interview, which you can find over on bobbydriscoll.net, he seems to coyly accept that there's been trouble, yet gives other reasons for it, never actually confirming that he has a drug problem.  Most of the blame he and Suzanne put back on him hanging around the wrong people.  Oh the irony, when we all know from later accounts that he and Suzanne were using substances together, and may have been going directly home after this interview to get a fix.  It would only be just a little while later that he would admit to the press that he was a narcotics addict going into treatment at Chino.  So we can safely assume he was working hard to keep a very big secret on this day, all the while trying to look capable and well put-together. 

This one seems to have been taken just a shutter later (or before), this time with wider eyes and a little more of a smile.  Everything about Bobby's face says "soft" to me.  I wonder if this was something that bothered him?  Did he want to appear more rugged than he did?  This may have been the reason he often let his brow line become a little unruly, as he had in this photoshoot, yet still had neatly trimmed and polished nails (you can see from some of the photos that have already been released from this set).  Maybe he didn't want to overdo it.  Of course again, this is all just conjecture...

Definitely my second favorite.  Such a sweet, quirky expression...

We get more of a direct look here, with a more unreadable expression.  But such crystal clear eyes.

So this one is very clearly a candid shot, and he was in the middle of talking.  I have this yen that even though Bobby knew how to have good eye contact, he may have also let his eyes wander when he got really deep into a conversation.  Two of the other pictures from this set that most of us have seen before -- the one where he's sitting there looking up, and the other where he's glancing off to the side -- have made this seem possible.  However, he could just as likely have been looking at other people in both those instances.  We know Suzanne was with him at this interview.

Enjoy these!  And comment!  Which do you feel best conveys Bobby's personality?

Happiest, Happiest [Early] 82nd to our Sweet Bobby

I'm a day early, but I'm out of town and won't be able to post tomorrow.  Plus, truth be told, it was hard to wait to show this off....

Aris Kesidis of Etsy colored this picture with a vintage cast in honor of Bobby's 82nd.  I absolutely love it and thought he did an amazing job, using the reference of the couple of color pictures of Bobby we have as an adult, plus word of mouth regarding things such as eye color.  What I love the best, though, is that he didn't cover up the blemishes on Bob's face -- keeping him as lifelike and authentic as possible.

Happy Birthday, Bobby.  Know, where you are now, that you are still so loved.