New Years Post

.... I know, super creative title.

In 2019, Bobby would be eighty-two years old, hopefully enjoying family and his twilight years.  He didn't have the chance to do any of that, though, as the last New Year he ever saw -- on earth, at least -- was the dawn of 1968.  The world was a tumultuous place, burdened under the weight of heavy issues such as civil rights and the Vietnam War.  His body was breaking down, and he probably knew it.  By all accounts, DiDi had left him by then, and he was alone.  

So I'm not sure how much hope Bobby felt fifty-one years ago today about himself and life around him.  Safe to say, New Years Eve may have been a blue holiday for him if he was cognizant of it at all (in other words, not high).  But I like to think that now, he sees and feels the love that has continued to bloom for him years after his body blended back into the earth.  And that here, on the edge of 2019, he is still thought of and that he still matters to both people who knew him, and those of us who never had the chance.  

By the way, I was reading something the other day that mentioned how Bobby was "not a strong person."  It compared him to some of his contemporaries, namely Tommy Kirk, who also faced obstacles as a young actor and who fell into marijuana addiction, yet managed to pull himself back up.  But I disagree.  Bobby may not have been able to completely beat his demon of addiction, but he pressed on to the end.  He could very well have succumbed to suicide, which may have crossed his mind after having borne so much heartache and shame.  And it says something to me that he survived New York City as a gentle, peace-loving person with a small build and probably not alot of street smarts -- at least not initially -- during a particularly violent few years full of riots and unrest.  Given that much of the time he was high, and probably kept the company of people who were also addicted and/or mentally unstable, it's remarkable that he kept himself alive.  We may never know how he managed to do that.  But it tells us that he was very brave, and probably very clever.  

Anyway... I was just feeling reflective this evening, and knew it had been awhile since my last post.  I hope everyone has a Happy New Year, painted with the rose gold of the goals and dreams you hope to achieve in 2019.  And I bet Bobby would wish you the same.